Inside Out I

I've written about the process so far; this is the finished piece. I think. I have been very selective about adding stitch, placing it only in the 'dark' areas of the piece, and to delineate the eyes, which I thought were the most important part of the piece, and the scar running down the side of the face, which is quilted using zigzag stitches; shades of Frankenstein's monster?

I found it remarkably difficult to stitch into my own face...until I started, and then it became just another piece of quilting, to be considered from the point of view of technique, structure and meaning. Emotionally, though, it was very difficult. I've made a lot of work about depression, but never directly used an image of myself to express feelings. It's as if I've been hiding behind abstraction, but am now coming out into the light, and letting everyone see how much darkness I carry around with me, regardless of how 'light' I appear. I'm crying as I write this, so it must be true... a therapy joke; I always weep when something is painfully true.

It will be interesting to see everyone else's posts, and the varied ways we have approached the challenge.

I'm Working On It...

...honest I am. I thought I would show you the revised photograph, here, and make you wait a bit longer to see the stitching, which I started today. I decided that the first version of the photograph I selected was just too dark, and decided to go with the one above, instead. I'm also showing you the original image, or at least, one of them, taken by my friend, Haydn. It's difficult to lay your hands on pictures of people who aren't smiling, or at least looking reasonably happy. Photographs are taken on happy occasions, to freeze a memory. Depression isn't the kind of thing people want to commemorate,or even dwell on too much. Hence, no miserable pictures. So I asked Haydn to take a series of miserable pictures. I was mildly alarmed by just how easy it was to drop into depression, or at least into depressed mode, if you like. I tensed up, hunched my shoulders, dropped my head, tried not to look up...and there I was. A clear lesson, if I needed it, and a reminder of the strong connection between the body and the mind.

As you can see, I cropped the image, and then added a couple of additional layers. One of the layers is a manipulated shot of moss; a rolling stone gathers no moss, but a depressed person slows down so much that moss is a distinct possibility. There is also a layer depicting a crack in a pavement, which seemed appropriate... depression often feels as if I am breaking.

This is the first in a series called 'Inside, Out', which I have been circling for some time now. Sitting down to stitch, today, I realised just how difficult it was to work on an image of oneself, particularly one which is attempting to depict depression. Obvious, huh? Well, yes, but the truly interesting thing was that once I'd started to work on it, and made the key decisions, I relaxed into it, and the image became exactly that...just another image to explore. I'm glad I started. I'm not entirely sure that I have finished, but there's time before the end of the challenge. Watch this space!

Well...

I still don't have much in the way of energy, but I've been thinking about this challenge, both in general and particular. In general, I wondered how to approach it, and finally decided that I would take it as it comes, but wherever possible, I would use the challenges to work within my existing themes. I think that it will encourage me to go further than I would otherwise go, and would give me a set of works that fits in with the body of work I would be making if I wasn't so damn tired...

So... I then wondered about the specific challenge. The first thought was to find a shadow and express it somehow... look for the shadow of a door, or a set of shelves, or a window, and explore the colour and patterning around it. That didn't really go anywhere, as I didn't find any likely shadows... there were plenty around in the house in Strathpeffer, but this house is not so interesting for that kind of thing. Then, I found myself thinking about work projecting shadows; working with silk organza in grey and white, structured to cast shadows on itself, and on the wall. Might still do that, but it has been done before, and by better artists than me. Which isn't really a good reason for not doing it, but...

Then, this afternoon, I was looking for a particular image for a different purpose entirely, and came across this one. It's part of the ongoing work I'm doing for the 'Outside In' series, exploring depression, and how easy it would be for people to recognise people with mental health issues if they showed what they felt, inside, on the outside, instead. I think this will fit in nicely with the challenge theme, and at the same time, contribute to the development of the series. Or, not using artist speak, give me the kick up the bum I need to get on with this work. All comments welcome.